I’m pregnant with my second baby and I’m suddenly panicking about how I’m going to balance motherhood and work. I’ve always been really driven and career-focused and suddenly I’m feeling like I don’t know what I want anymore. I’m so tired all the time and I just feel like a shit mum. Already, I’m snapping all the time at my daughter – how will it be when there’s another baby to contend with and more sleepless nights? Part of me wants to just stop working but the other part feels really guilty about that, and I don’t know whether I’ll regret my decision down the line…

It sounds like there’s a lot going on here. But the first thing to say is that you’re definitely not a “shit mum”. The very fact that you’re thinking about all this, and that you want to make the right decision by yourself, and by your children, proves that.

Before we start unpicking some of the points you raise, let’s start by looking at your context. At the moment, you’re pregnant. Being pregnant the first time round can be testing enough. When you’re already running around after another child, and trying to juggle the realities of modern motherhood, it can be exhausting – physically and mentally. And we haven’t even got to the hormones, yet… which mean you’re likely to be feeling 100 different emotions an hour, making it very hard to make a meaningful, rational decision. So, give yourself a break. If there’s one thing for certain, you’re not the only woman out there feeling she is struggling under the weight of the many pressures she is facing.

You’re clearly conflicted about whether working, once you have two little ones who depend on you, is the right decision. This is the million dollar question – and there is no one-size-fits-all solution. Once the baby is born – or a few months down the line, at least – you will be better-placed to make a decision; at this point you may decide you want to stay at home and look after your children full-time, or you may decide that work gives you a welcome change of scene, and a different sense of fulfilment. You may still be completely confused. This is also totally normal.

It might help to think about your longterm ambitions… You say you have always been career-focused; as far as I can tell, your rationale for potentially giving up your career hinges on your doubts about your own parenting prowess. This in turn suggests you’re riddled with self-doubt right now – not that you’re genuinely fed up with your work. This is not necessarily the right reason to give up on a career you’ve worked hard to achieve and seemingly enjoy. Especially when you’re probably your own harshest critic.

Morally, there is nothing wrong with either decision – the fact you say you feel “guilty” about potentially wanting to give your career a break is also interesting as a lot of women privately nurture fears that staying at home is somehow an “up-yours” to the sisterhood. This is nonsense. Especially when so many parents find they are forking out more on childcare than they are making at work. For many women, taking on full-time childcare is a brilliant option, and hugely rewarding. Sharing the load with dad, if possible, can also be a brilliant solution. For others, going back to work – part-time, if possible – provides valuable headspace and time to remember who they are as an individual.

The important thing is that whatever you decide, you are making a positive choice for you and your family, and your unique circumstances. The truth is, there probably is no single right answer as to what you “should do”. And there is no point trying to preempt what life will be like in a few months time. Easier said than done, for sure, but try holding off from making hasty decision before the new baby has arrived, and give yourself a break. You deserve it.

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