“When I met Will, it was just before my Mum died. We met in October, and she died in January. He was an absolute rock for me – and while they were deeply dark days, I was also actually truly happy because I had met this amazing man whom I knew pretty soon was “the one”. There was also a sense of everything being vital and important and had that super reality which we sometimes feel in times of great upheaval and change.

When we had our first child, it was a tricky birth, an emergency C-section, and she came out not breathing, blue and limp. The doctors crashed in to revive her. I was oblivious to it, but Will saw it all. And then she didn’t sleep and cried like a banshee all night for the first few weeks. The effect of this was that Will had some sort of post-traumatic stress incident. I remember him curled up on the floor of our (then tiny) kitchen, in the foetal position, crying his eyes out. Post operation, carrying the baby on one shoulder, I was kneeling down, trying to comfort him.

Plus, while a crying baby is always a terrible thing to hear, Will had a massive reaction to it. He was sent away to boarding school aged seven, and it reminded him of crying for his mum, but not being able to see her. Basically he was a complete mess. So I became the “coper” in the relationship, which completely turned the relationship on its head.

When our first child was 16 months old we realised we had grown far apart. I had a huge amount of unresolved anger and resentment towards him. We went to couple’s counselling. I don’t think it was the greatest – but it certainly helped, and we are still here.

I think most couples could do with couple’s counselling in the year following the birth of their first child – I don’t know how anyone could think it would bring you closer together. It should be more widely known. And there should be way less emphasis on how the birth happens, and much more on what happens when you get home. The birth will happen one way or another (and highly unlikely to be the way you want it to be).

A great lesson in having children is – you can’t plan it. Just accept and go with the flow.”