“I think the changes to a relationship can get masked in the joys of welcoming children, and the consuming efforts to take care of them.

The shift begins to happen, but you’re too tired to address it, as it takes effort. Soon it becomes the norm, the new way you know to relate to each other. I think the most detrimental change comes when we no longer put a priority on communicating our needs.

When that happens, we overlook our job – which is to show our partner what’s going on inside. We expect them to be mind-readers when it comes to meeting our needs. Then, when they aren’t, we’re disappointed that needs are unmet and we disconnect to self-protect.

What happens next is that we look for other outlets to meet our needs, and soon we no longer see the value for heart to heart connection. This happens slowly over time, for many reasons having to do with having children, of course!

I’ve learned that even in the midst of extreme busyness and exhaustion, if the goal was always to move towards each other (in whatever way that looks like) instead of the temptation to disconnect, then many relationships could be saved and be better off.”